nick "the gnome"
the story goes that nick came from out of town one day, walked into the largest bank in town, and announced that he was buying it. when everyone laughed at him as if he were a lunatic, he calmly stated that no one had asked him what he was offering.
“what i am offering,” they say he said, probably in some annoying gnome voice, “is exactly the same amount that resides in deposit here at the bank. not one copper more, nor one copper less.”
of course, as the story goes, everyone laughed at him again for his idiocy. honestly, i don’t know if they did or not. no one knows. everyone just knows that the next day, he owned the bank, and there was a pile of people rotting on the broadway outside that the cops didn’t even acknowledge as existing until some longshoremen from the docks got together and gave them a proper burial at sea.